Saturday night

Wow. What a night. What started with so much promise and excitement, came screeching to a whiplashing, breath-stealing halt in just over three seconds.

I started seeing this woman two weeks ago and we had two really fun and promising dates. Our communication was spot on. The conversation flowed so easily and readily. We talked about fun future date plans. We talked about serious and exciting future life plans. She wanted to move back East like me and was already growing tired of the Colorado lifestyle, much like myself. We were snarky and cynical about the same things, wading in deep into serious local and world issues. Serious turned on a dime and we were giving each other shit about something ridiculous we learned about the other, which only drove the attraction. All of this to say, we hit it off quickly and hard.

Then, on our third date, while talking about something totally innocuous, I asked her if she was looking to get married in the nearish future and she said yes. A second of hope dangled so freely in the air, ready to be seized upon, only to be snatched away two seconds later, with the admission that she didn’t think she wanted kids. Fuck.

We both knew immediately what just happened. There was nothing that could be done to undo it. Her words hung like a cloud in the tavern. Neither of us knew what to say. Both saddened in a very real way, which was equally alarming. She slipped off to the bathroom, later admitting to crying just a little. I sat there dumbfounded, numbed way more by the last minute than either of my drinks. This is not how Saturday night was supposed to go.

We decided there was no need to continue the rest of the night. On the car ride back to her place, we tried to bargain away the last thirty minutes, unsure whether either of us could meet the other’s needs. That car ride was such a visceral and unpleasant experience, and was unlike anything I’d really felt. Thanks for the experience I guess…

We pulled up to her house and I started to walk her to her door, when we both decided to at least test the real chemistry for the first time, just to see. Such a bad idea. It was beyond fabulous. We stood there locked together for a minute, savoring what was sure to be our first and only romantic moment. At the end of it, I whispered ‘goodnight’, only to followed by a more serious ‘goodbye’ that rung so true.

Such a dramatic entry for such a seemingly small encounter. But sometimes you have a gut feeling about these things and this was one of them. We’ll both be fine, but right now I don’t care about that. I just want our Saturday night back. I want to continue to plan a camping trip. I want to think about where to move back East. I want a second, third, fourth kiss and beyond.

Dating sucks.

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