Throw the map right out the window


It’s been a while, but I’m still here. I just took a hiatus because I was busy falling in love. It’s been pretty great and finally feels like the pieces have fallen into place.

How did I get here? Hmmm…well, let’s see. I dodged a monumental disaster a few years ago. Proceeded to date something like 1,245 people. Connect with about 5 of them, but something wasn’t quite right with each of those, which left me exasperated and exhausted and forced me to give up for a hot minute, which led to me searching in unexpected places, and eventually brings me here.

Where is here? Well, it’s processing. It’s planning. It’s laughing. It’s sharing. It’s being stupid happy. It’s vulnerability. It’s compromise. You know, all the things it is when it’s right.

But it’s also realization. Realizing my instincts were right all along, even when I didn’t fully realize it or even worse, ignored them. It’s learning to trust and follow through on those instincts because after slowly doing so, I’m where I wanted to be all along. And that’s with a partner who subscribes to honest loving as much as I now do, no matter how painful the truth.

And it’s forgiveness. It’s learning to forgive myself for past mistakes and implementing the lessons learned from those mistakes to form a more complete, longer-lasting partnership.

Nope, I didn’t think this would be my path. I didn’t think I’d be one of the last of my friends to make my way to this point. I didn’t think I’d be 35 and just now finding my person. I didn’t think I’d be without kids at this point. Or without a obvious career path. Or house. Or dog for that matter. Hell, I just filled my first growler ever last night.

Sometimes, you just have to realize a particular road map is just not your map. As much as you wanted it to be or thought it would be, it’s just not your map. Maps, by their very nature, force you to focus on the future, while letting the present slip right on by, mile marker by mile marker. So have I stopped relying on a map? Probably not completely, but right now I’m more content with following the pull of magnets, orbit of planets, shining of the north star, and the lay of the land. Let’s see where we end up.